Yesterday, while driving home from getting a sneak peek at our new baby via ultrasound (it’s a baby BOY, by the way), I was making a mental list of the ways God has shown our family his faithfulness over the last month. Not that He didn’t before then, but especially in these recent days, our ever-present Father has made it a point to make sure our family knows He’s got our back. In big ways and little ways, He has come through, almost miraculously, time after time, during a season full of unknowns.
My husband took a huge leap of faith about 6 weeks ago when he decided to seek out a new career opportunity. Since that time, life has moved pretty fast. We’ve moved out of a nice little house in a quiet small town and into an apartment in the middle of Nebraska’s largest city. While “the city” won’t be our permanent home (just a temporary solution until we can find a house that meets our needs in a nearby rural community), it’s safe to say that we are about as far from our comfort zones as we ever imagined we’d be.
What I’ve learned is this: experiencing change of this level and at this pace gives a girl lots of opportunities to trust God. Because there’s really no other option. Hah! One decision leads to another, and there’s no way to see the whole picture until you get to the end of the story. You find yourself “livin’ on a prayer” quite literally while making really, really big decisions that affect your life and lots of other peoples’ lives. “Adult moments” abound. And they’re a little overwhelming.
Can I tell you a secret though? I mean, I’m all kinds of ready for things to settle right back down, preferably before April 14 (Baby Bro’s due date), but this is actually kind of an awesome way to live--this truly not knowing what tomorrow will bring. (Which, you know, we never really do know, but I tend to forget that when every day seems the same as the one before.) This state of unknowing forces me to trust God, my husband, myself, and all of the wonderful people helping us along the way. And it’s kind of...freeing!
When I live this way, it’s so clear to me how NOT in control I am, despite my constant delusions that somehow I’m the one calling the shots. It’s so clear to me how nothing, NOTHING, is mine and that everything, EVERYTHING is a gift from God. God provides. It’s just who He is. Sometimes directly, sometimes through the generosity of others, sometimes in ways that are so unexpected you start to wonder if He’s just showing off a little bit. Everything, EVERYTHING is from Him. And I’m so undeserving, so it has to be a pure gift.
I was in the middle of that thought at a stoplight on West Maple Street today when it hit me. If nothing is mine, and everything is His, then the only thing I really have to give back to Him that’s mine is my gratitude. Even on my best days, I’ll never be able to make a return to God for all that He provides. If we were keeping it, the score would literally be infinity, to like, nothing. But I can give Him my heart, full of gratefulness for His countless gifts. And while that seems to pale in comparison, my heart is all He has ever really wanted. (Well, besides, YOUR heart!)
I think that this is why it makes so much sense for us to be grateful. Our thanks are all we really have that are truly ours to give. Everything else we can give--to Him and to others--is a gift from Him or an extension of His Love. I'm sure one could make the argument that even our ability to show gratitude is a gift from Him, which is true (and probably more “theologically correct”), but it still requires our response--our choice--our own free will--to be grateful.
So the bottom line is this: gratefulness the only posture of heart that is fitting for we who are so in need of God’s love and provision. G.K. Chesterton said that “thanks are the highest form of thought,” and I think this is why! It’s really the best we humans who are so in need can do when faced with such a wonderful, powerful, and above all, generous Creator.
And, I’ll add this too--even though there’s discomfort and stress and maybe even a little bit of genuine suffering in our lives right now, the union we are able to enter into with our Lord is so much more intimate because there is an urgency to our trusting in Him and a gratefulness for the many obvious ways He is working. I’m sure I’ll forget that when things get back to “normal,” but I hope that I’ll always remember His faithfulness during this time and be a little more trusting and a little more thankful when they do. Trust and thankfulness make my heart more humble and more free, so there’s room for a lot more joy.
Many blessings to you and yours this Thanksgiving, and best wishes for a Holy Advent! My favorite liturgical season...get ready to get ready, people!
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